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January 17, 2014



Does anyone know what ” After ” looks like? Have you touched it, felt it? Maybe someone told you it would come and if it did, what did it leave behind? because in the world that I live in, nothing is given and nothing is taken away. Maybe it disguises itself In more forms then we could imagine. When the fear has been so deep and so all consuming; can you find peace in the quiet storm? I recognize and give big respect to “AFTER “. Can you think of anything that is more powerful then “AFTER”? I am going to leave this for another day, maybe another year, maybe not in this lifetime.
Am I the only one who is not feeling the color Pink and wouldn’t walk a foot, never mind a mile for Cancer Research? I won’t revisit my feelings at this time, because I’ve already spoken to how I feel about the governments collateral damage of which I am one of millions. I went against my inner judgment and took the pill Arimadex. That’s the latest pill to inhibit the production of estrogen. It took three months for one of the major side effects to kick in. Pain in my hips and thighs, to the point I could hardly walk. The oncologist wanted to know, what I took for pain ~ brain check, did I miss something ~ ? You see, you take this pill for five years and if you are still alive, the medical profession says well done. Don’t take it and I am told the cancer will come back with a vengeance. I guess the question is, what price will I pay for life. If estrogen is my enemy and I take a pill that stops the reproduction of estrogen, than what about my brain, my bones, liver, heart. So what does this mean? stop the breast cancer and deal with the deterioration of other parts of my body?
The mind is such a monster ~ With every pain I had visions of estrogen being strip from my bones. I pondered for a long time, could I live this way for the next five years and maybe longer. My answer was “No”. The oncologist said I have to take something, so she gave me a prescription for Tamoxifen. One of the potential side Affects is a stroke. Well the oncologist stated, that none of her patients had suffered a stroke and I told her I wasn’t going to be the first…….She hasn’t treated me the same since and I am looking for a new oncologist.
So this is where “AFTER” appears. The consequences of my decisions or the lack of them. Either way, there’s always some  HereAfter….
I do realize all the souls, that choose the poison and they are ten, twenty years out from cancer. God bless them all. If there were not any tread offs, tell me about it, talk to me ~ I do not want o be encumbered by what I know, because there is so much that I don’t know…….

Thank You For Your Visit ~ Talk To Me


  1. I give any woman credit who is strong and courageous enough to go through such an ordeal and still come out on the “other end” with such dignity. You are wonder woman. You have my support and love always.

  2. Hi Renne,

    I like your site.

    What do you think is most crucial to your long term strategy/success? Curious to hear your answer. 🙂


    • Hello Rob ~
      The most challenging thing for me is overcoming my fear and I have come a long way.
      The rest is a walk in the park.
      Only whole foods
      Juicing and drinking the right water!
      And meditation everyday

      Thank you Rob, for taking the time to visit me…

  3. summercircuitrider permalink

    Beautiful Renee,

    Keep talking. The words that flow out of you help to cleanse you. You are not alone; many who read your story are encouraged.

    Best advice? Talk to God and keep a clean slate with Him; He is the Great Physician.


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