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May 7, 2014


Between you and me, I am scared as hell most of the time. I
guess you first have to understand that in my world being scared and being
in fear are two different things. I am starting to overcome the fear part. I
work on it everyday with meditation and mantras ~ but being scared for me
is feeling a new pain, any sensation I haven’t felt before. I just learned that
twenty thousand people die every day from cancer ~ so when nice
meaning people tell me how good I look and ask me “if they got it all”? I
secretly think ” hell, I looked great before they told me I was sick” My
response is “I really don’t know”. The chemotherapy and the radiation
( understanding that they both are poison) may start a different cancer
some place else in the body.
Am I really the only cancer victim who doesn’t believe in phases like
“fighting the good fight” ~ I won’t drink the Kool-Aid. I was speaking to
someone whose cancer treatment was cut off, because her insurance
company wasn’t going to pay any more money. What a selfish, mean
society we are. It is so true “only the strong survive”. I used to think that
money was power, but money only enables you to buy and pay ~ yes we all
know how important that is ~ but who has the power? The government, the
pharmaceutical companies, all major corporations, and who you know that
knows somebody… And so the world turns
I have spoken and said many times ” I didn’t sign on for this” Let me
explain. I have struggled most of my life with the thought in my mind, that
before this reality that we know, that I was someplace else with full
consciousness agreeing to come to this realm ~ but I don’t remember
signing on for this affliction. NOW, having shared this with you~~~~
I found something today that truly comforted me and I would like to share it
with you. It was written by James Blanchard Cisners. from You Have
Chosen To Remember…Bringing Light Into the Darkness
You have not been cursed with your current circumstances; you have
simply volunteered to bring peace to an area of your life and of the world
where there is pain. You have spiritually realized a need, and decided that
you were a good choice to help fill this need through your free will, you
volunteered, and are now in the process of helping to shine a light into the
dark crevices of our mind and planet. You are now here to overcome that
challenging situation, and through your life of experience, example, and the
victory over it to help others overcome what they themselves are going
through or will be going through. And so today, do not judge yourself for
what your journey looks like, instead hold your head up high knowing that
the path you have chosen will help you and others remember that every
moment is a gift. A blessing that is in one way or another helping to lift us
out of the darkness into the light.
Peace, Health, Happiness, Love, Laughter and Light
Thank you for letting me tell you my secret
Until next time~~~~
I am Renée 1

  1. stephanie permalink

    Yes I can…keep a secret that is. Your resolve is empowering. Your affliction has become, for me infectious, and this is a good thing. I cannot imagine what you are going through, but could only imagine what you are going through. But at the same time, understanding my imagination doesn’t stretch that far. knowing you, I am not sorry for you, but can only stand for you. You are a champion of many…please know that this is not really about you, but really and truly about you: and how and what you transplant – transfer to another…to me (for example). Your words, your deliberate thoughts are powerful and exuberant…they are healing. You may not have signed up for this, but who else…you are the light in the darkness! Do you realize this? Are you aware that you are one with James Blanchard Cisner’s words? Of course you do, that is why you shared it…it is a part of you. You are incredible…an incredible source of energy, of life. You are not defined by an illness you were already defined by a power, a power higher than me…I will always look up to. Although my heart aches for you, I do not feel sorry for you…but i do for me though…because I am not you… Thank you for being you.

    • My Steff ~
      My cup surely does run over ~ Somehow I seem to remember a reality before this one. Sittingg at at table, looking through a window of lifes issues and the things that must happen to achive The One (LOVE). I remember saying “I’ll go”. I knew the Body was only temperary. But that’s another Blog! To be continued…..

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